Hello, my name is paper and I am a piece of paper.
My purpose is to have people write on me and to be printed by printers.
I like the smell of wood because it smells like my parents.
My ambition is to be thrown away and recycled.
(lmao i don't know what to put in here, so thanks Claire for the message.)
Thursday, November 5, 2009
This should be one of the rare nights that I feel so grateful for everything that i have experienced & was given to me for the last 22yrs of my life. so grateful that I decide to pen my thoughts down.
God, I thank you. For giving me a wonderful family to begin with. They are always here as my pillar of support, though I'd failed to realise that for countless times and even taking them for granted. Dad, Mum, I know I have been rude to you at times, please forgive me. I know having a bad tamper isn't a good excuse--I'm sorry. And Bro, although I'd really hate to admit this, but-- but thanks for being there when i needed those gizmo fixes. You know that I can't really turn to anyone else with those questions without looking like a real bimbo.
God, I thank you. For giving me God-sent grandparents. Only you know how much I love them.
If only I knew how much Ah Gong doted on me then; I wouldn't have threw tantrums like nobody's business.
Now I'm doing every bit I can to repay the kindness to Ah Ma, I really hope that she can have many more healthy, lively years to go on. And I really hope she can be there to attend my wedding, whenever that may be.
God, I thank you. For giving me Shujun as my best friend in my primary school days. Girl, you may not realise this, but I'm really grateful that you were there for me then. You know I don't mix with the 'cool' crowd. In fact I pretty much hated their existance, and it doesn't help that their index numbers were so near mine that I had to be standing near them all the time.
I will never forget those mini trips to the mama-shop opposite school near your house, where we buy ice-popsicles and titbits and head right back to the Play Area to listen to your latest CD and attempt to memorise those chinese lyrics.
I'm glad we kept in contact even though we went to seperate secondary schools, because 2 years later we found ourselves right back as classmates in Sec 3 Charity. Even then, I'm real glad I had Math tuitoring from you in our all-too-familiar school canteen prior to 'O' levels. How else would I be able to score a 'B' for Mathematics?
And you know what? I do not think that letter-writing is childish. I've still got those letters that you and I exchanged, written on beautifully decorated paper with fancy coloured glittery ink. Sounds familiar? Glad you recalled.
God, I thank you. For letting me fail to get into St. Nicholas Secondary straight, for landing me in KCPSS instead. There, I was given a new lease of life. I was able to do all that I could not achieve back then in St Nicks Primary. I was smothered--bypassed--robbed of my leadership abilities, just because I was not mixing well with the 'cool' group. I flourished in KCPSS with my newfound friendliness and friends, and am quietly proud to acknowledge that I only took a year to make it to Exco for the 2 CCAs I joined. More importantly, I found confidence.
God, I thank you. It was confidence I brought back with me when I got back into St Nicholas Secondary. It was confidence I relied on when I realised that I would be plummeting back into the hell-hole I emerged from back then in Year 2000, back to where the whole flock of sneering 'cool' people existed. This time round, though, I got the chance to prove myself-- I raised to Exco level for Interact Club just shortly after I came back. That sort of resettled the fire in me, at long last.
God, I thank you. For letting me find self-confidence as I progress in life. With Ng Wee Sheng's branding of 'Ugly Jane' echoing faintly in my mind, I had started to question my physical attributes. Therefore, thank you God, for appeasing my soul by sending the boys who have shown interest in me, namely during my time in KCP, as well as in Interact (those VJ and ACS boys), and during work. This so-called persuit of beauty eventually landed me in the Land of Photoshoot & Modeling, a place tha only existed in many common girls' dreams. Thank you God for introducing me to a world of glittery dreams. Who would have thought that Ugly Jane would be desired, would be a model? That's a "Ha!" retorted back to you, Ng Wee Sheng, for calling names at a poor duckling who hasn't found her way to be a swan yet.
God, I thank you, for shaping and moulding me into who I am today, though I know I'm still pretty much in 'Work-In-Progress" state right now. I love the friends I made in KCP & Temasek Poly, and I know you will continue to send angels to shine in my life as well as guide my path, just as you have in the past.
Thank you for Jian Min, June & Julia-- for being a great support, looking out for me & providing a listening ear when I needed one;
Thank you for Cloud, Weiyi, Daisy, Huimin & Global Conect Club (GCC)-- for crazy, eventful & fun-filled times;
Thank you for Jin Kai, Godwin & Marcus--for teaching me about love & life, what should be given & taken, & what should not be taken without thought;
Thank you for Yiping--for opening my eyes;
And thank you God, for my present boyfriend Alex Loy. I know it is in your plan that we meet--we wouldn't have been able to meet otherwise. I love the fact that he is able to give me peace, that he is proud of me as his girlfriend, and that he is committed and wants to get married. Currently he is in the midst of applying HDB for the both of us, but I know that everything will go according to your will and plan, God, and that it is in your blessing to guide me to whom I will eventually marry, for only you know who will be the best for me.
Thank you Lord, that under the twinkling twilight stars of 06 November 2009, that I have had this pleasant awakening. My current Facebook profile says" Jane is grateful for everthing that she has been blessed with but failed to realise." Please continue to guide me as in Thy will.
With much love & anticipation,
Jane